


You. Me. Us. Him.

by lillyluna



Category: Sports RPF, Swimming RPF
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Kid Fic, M/M, Post london
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-21
Updated: 2013-01-21
Packaged: 2017-11-26 07:53:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/648275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lillyluna/pseuds/lillyluna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael makes Ryan drive 45 minutes out of their way without telling him where they're going.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You. Me. Us. Him.

“Where am I even driving MP?” Ryan’s right arm is slung over the back of Michael’s seat and the fingers of his left hand drum on the steering wheel as he waits the next direction from the GPS on Michael’s phone, “Like I don’t care but our flight’s in like-“

“Turn left after the stop.” Michael calls out, “We’ll make our flight Ry, I planned it out. Just keep driving.”

Ryan shakes his head, turns left and glances at Oliver through the rear-view mirror. The toddler is falling asleep fast, his head drooping down. He’s already lost his Orlando Magic hat and his pacifier hangs slack from the shark printed clip that’s attached to his shirt; he’s missing a shoe.

“Should we wake him up?” Ryan suggests thinking of the flight ahead and how he’d rather have Oliver sleep then.

“It’s his nap time-“ Michael reminds him.

It bugs Michael that Ryan who’s training in Florida keeps sabotaging Oliver’s sleep schedule. He loves Oliver but he can’t help but be jealous of Ryan who gets to fly off to a house where he can sleep without being woken up at four am. Ryan can forget bed times and nap times all he wants because Michael’s the one who’s flying back to Baltimore with Oliver.

“I know.” Ryan says annoyed, “But the plane.”

“Turn right, go slow.”

“Where the fuck am-“

“Language!”

“Why are you mad dude?” Ryan pushes Michael’s shoulder.

“Pull over.”

They’re on a non descript suburban street in front of a house that looks like all the other houses except that the garage is blue instead of grey or red.

“Did you get us lost?”

“We’re not lost.” Michael says quietly.

“Who the fuck lives here?” Ryan scrambles through all the people he knows and all the people he knows Michael knows to figure out who exactly lives in suburban wherethefuck ever.

Michael stares out the window and doesn’t talk. In the backseat Oliver starts babbling to himself, unhappy that the car is no longer moving.

“Where are we Mike?” Ryan asks again.

He looks through the glove compartment for some Cheerios to keep Oliver busy. It strikes him as funny that two years ago their glove box would have been full of condoms, lighters, broken cd’s, swim caps and crumpled up time sheets but now there’s a bottle of apple juice, a Ziploc bag of cereal, an extra pacifier and a pack of diaper wipes.

“My dad.”

“Your dad.” Ryan stops looking for the bag of Cheerios.

Michael nods.

“Does he like know?” Ryan doesn’t really know what he means by that. Does Michael’s dad know they’re together? Does he know they’re coming? Does he know they’re in state? Does he know about Oliver? Does he know they’re here?

“No.” Michael drums his fingers on the dash, “I just thought…” He trails off.

“I’ve never met your dad.”

“I know.”

“When’s the last time you saw him?”

Michael shrugs and keeps staring out of the window.

“Does he know about me?”

Michael shakes his head.

“Does he know about Gator?”

“No… I mean probably if he watches tv or googles my name but like probably not.” Michael says and he looks sad, really sad.

“Yo.” Ryan unbuckles his seat belt and leans over to kiss his husband, “Babe like he’s not worth it. Fuck him. Let’s just go, get our flight… Get Gator home.” He kisses him again.

“I’ve been just thinking.” Michael says when he pulls away, he keeps one hand on the side of Ryan’s face, “How much we like love Ols and how we try so hard to be good for him and-“

“I know dude.” Ryan reaches back and rubs a finger against Oliver’s bare foot. God only knows where his sock ended up.

“I never thought I could…” Michael takes a breath and closes his eyes, “Love anything like that you know, I can’t even think of leaving. But my dad just like walked away.”

“Your dad’s an asshole Mike, you’re not.” Ryan says angrily because he’s been spending the last year and a half convincing Michael that he wasn’t biologically programmed to be a shitty father because his own had left.

“I usually don’t give a fuck.” Michael says and he means it, “Like I did fine without him but with Ols.”

“Yeah.” Ryan thinks of all the times he’s called his dad in the past few months and how often he calls him while he’s in Florida worried that he’s letting his kid down and his marriage fail because he’s training in another state.

His dad always answers the phone, even at 5am when Ryan seriously debates flying back to Baltimore instead of going to morning practice. No one else, not even Mike or his mom or Devon, can tell him and make him believe that he’s a good dad. He’s never thought about who Mike reaches out to when he feels like he’s not good enough, probably Debbie.

“And like.” Michael keeps going, “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but with you not there and me with him by myself… It’s hard dude and I think that my mom had to do that and there were three of us… It makes me so mad. It’s so fucking hard but like I wouldn’t leave-“

“I’m sorry.” Ryan hangs his head.

It’s everything he worries about put into words. That he’s dropping the ball; that Michael and him had gotten back together, had Oliver and he’d gone back to Florida to train. He knows Oliver’s fussy and colicky and not an easy baby.

“No.” Michael waves off his apology, “We like have a deal and we’re both doing our best. I shouldn’t have said it.”

The car’s quiet after that exchange and Oliver babbles to himself. He occasionally catches his foot in his hand and tries to get it into his mouth. He struggles against the harness and screeches happily when a bird flies by the car, casting a moving shadow on his face.

It breaks Ryan’s heart that in five hours he’ll be leaving him to fly back to the fucking empty house in Florida.

“Are we going in?” Ryan asks because he’s sure you can only be parked in the suburbs for so long before a bored stay at home mom calls neighbourhood watch on you.

They’ve been pulled over by the cops for being two guys with a baby once and Ryan doesn’t feel that he can keep himself from punching someone who’s hinting that they’ve kidnapped their own kid a second time.

“I don’t know.” Michael plays with the straw of his iced coffee, “I didn’t think.”

“I’ll go.” Ryan offers, “If you want.”

“What would you say?”

“Dunno.” Ryan shrugs, “That you’re a good guy and a good dad and a good husband and that you didn’t need him.”

“Doggy.” Michael squeezes Ryan’s thigh.

“He should know those things.”

“I’m the one who should go.”

“Maybe he’s not home.”

“There’s two cars.” Michael points at the driveway. He sets his jaw and drops his hand to the door handle. “Fuck it. I’m going.”

“Bring Gator dude, he’s like baby courage.”

“No.” Michael doesn’t hesitate, “I don’t want him to be… Stay with him.”

“You sure you wanna go alone dude? I’ll come with you.”

“No.” Michael unbuckles his seat belt and opens the door, “I gotta do this.”

The driveway’s been freshly sealed and the grass is immaculately mowed. Michael thinks of their place in Baltimore that doesn’t have a yard and the house in Gainesville that was advertised as waterfront but really just backs up to swampy part of a lake.

The mat by the door welcomes him with fancy script and blackened edges. He has to take a deep breath before he can work up the courage to ring the bell, he suddenly wishes he’d followed Ryan’s advice and taken Oliver. He suddenly wishes that he’d stayed back in the-

“Mike?”

“Um yeah.” Michael waves awkwardly; he hasn’t seen his dad since the London team trials. “Hi.”

He moves his body hoping that he can block his father’s view of the car and his family within it.

“Well this is a surprise, come in… We were just about to.”

“Actually I don’t have time I have a flight to catch.” He forces himself to take his hands out of his pockets and stand up straighter. He tries not to slouch.

“Well thanks for dropping by.” Fred looks confused, he reaches out to put a hand on Michael’s shoulder at the same time as Michael side steps to let him see the car parked on the side of the street.

“My son’s in the car.” Michael looks back to see Oliver clumsily wave at him, it makes him smile. “Ryan too. We were going to come visit but um… I’m not going to… I changed my mind.”

“What’s going on Mike?”

“You’re not going to get the chance to walk away from him.” Michael blurts out, “He’s mine and I have to… You know what I shouldn’t have come.”

Ryan must have opened the car windows because he can hear Oliver calling out for him. He’s just learned how to talk and his vocabulary is limited but the word Daddy is unmistakable and Michael desperately wants to be back in the car, not on this porch.

“His name’s Oliver.” Michael clenches and unclenches his fists before turning his back to the house and walking to the car. He doesn’t look back.

“He’s been calling out for you since you got out.” Ryan explains, “I tried telling him you were coming right back but he-“

“Drive.” Michael buckles his seat belt, “Just go.”

Ryan obeys without talking and once they’ve put three identical suburban streets between them and the house he puts his arm back across Michael’s seat.

“You okay?”

“Yeah it was a stupid idea.”

“No it wasn’t.” Ryan tries, “He’s your dad, it makes sense that.”

“I said I wouldn’t give him the chance to walk away from Oliver.” Michael leans his head against Ryan’s arm.

“What did he say?”

“I dunno. I didn’t give him a chance.” Michael looks back at Oliver who’s busy shoving handfuls of Cheerios in his face, getting a few of every handful in his mouth. He reaches back to stroke his cheek and Oliver drops Cheerios into his hand.

“Thanks Bud.” Michael grins at him.

The GPS directs Ryan back to the main road towards the airport and its voice is the only sound in the car. Michael laces his fingers through Ryan’s and watches Oliver through the rear view mirror.

“D’you think.” Ryan says after awhile. His voice is quiet and definitely un-Ryan like, “That he’ll think I left him?”

“Who? My dad?”

“No. Gator.” Ryan bites his lip, “Like when he’s old enough to know I wasn’t there… That I missed like important stuff.”

“You’re there for the important stuff.” Michael shrugs off Ryan’s concerns, “He’s too little to know and you’re-“

“Not there.”

“Is this because of my dad dude? Because like an hour ago it didn’t bother you.“

“Yo, you think I don’t care?” Ryan stops the car even though they’re in the middle of the road.

“I didn’t say-“ Michael looks back, “Jesus Ry there’s cars behind us, Ols is in the car keep fucking driving.”

“You think I just go back to Florida and chill out and-“ Ryan looks back at Oliver and lowers his voice but doesn’t keep driving. “Dude. It kills me I’m not with him.”

“You think it’s hard to not be with him?” Michael knows he shouldn’t fight back but he can’t help, “You try being alone with him and then you come home and you mess up his naptime and you keep him up and I have to spend two days fixing his-“

“You never fucking said anything.” Ryan hits the steering wheel, “I just want to be with him dude I miss him and fuck you for saying I don’t care.“ Ryan bites his lip and shakes his head.

“I didn’t say you didn’t care.” Michael repeats, “It’s just hard to be alone with-“

“You know what’s hard?” Ryan’s voice is quiet, “When we get to the airport I have to say bye to him and walk away. That’s fucking hard. I feel like the worst dad-“

“You’re not Ry, we knew it was going to be like-“

“I don’t want it anymore. Not if it means giving him up.”

“You’re not giving him up dude.” Michael groans, “He’s right there, you’ll see him in two weeks.”

“The fucking shittiest part dude is you won’t even think of moving to Florida. Like you talk about a fucking support system. We have one in Florida, my family’s there and-“

Five cars pass by them honking angrily, Ryan finally pulls over on the shoulder of the road and turns off the engine.

“Because you thought of training in Baltimore?” Michael shoots back at him.

“I can’t.”

“I can’t move to Florida.”

“Then I quit.”

“You don’t quit.”

“Look,” Ryan takes a deep breath, “You just made us drive forty-five minutes out of the way so you could tell this guy you haven’t seen in three years that he doesn’t get to walk away from your kid but making me walk away that’s different?”

“It’s not the same Ry.”

“Um yeah, it is.”

“What do you want then?” Michael hits the dash and the sound makes Oliver start to cry, “What part of the plan that we made together do you want to change?”

“I want him in Florida.” Ryan says simply.

“Him.” Michael’s lips are a tight line. He reaches back to give Oliver his pacifier and that stops his crying for the moment.

“Yeah. Him.”

“We’re going to miss our flight.” Michael refuses to answer, “Keep driving.”

They’ve lived through a lot of silent rides to the airport but this one is the worst. Oliver hiccups quietly in the backseat, not used to being witness to their fights and he takes it personally when Michael puts his sock and his shoe back on. He’s tired and fussy and has been strapped in his car seat for way too long. The trip back home is going to be a nightmare.

Ryan gets lost trying to drive to the rental car drop off and they lose their GPS signal. He’s forced back on the highway going the wrong direction and Michael can see the tension creep up in his neck. He would reach out and rub it away but he feels like Ryan probably doesn’t want to be touched.

“The exit is right there.” Michael points out when it looks like Ryan’s going too fast to merge off, “You should switch-“

“You can shut the fuck up I know how to drive.” Ryan says.

The sting of his words shut Michael up and he lets the harshness of them settle into his chest along with all the other doubts he’s been having about Ryan since Ryan had left for Florida. The doubts he’s had since Ryan and him had gotten back together.

“I’m sorry.” Ryan mutters.

“Just fucking drive.” Michael props one of his feet up on the dash and starts taking Oliver’s things out of the glove compartment.

Ryan doesn’t go for the trunk, instead he goes right for Oliver and that annoys Michael because they have about three suitcases, two carry-ons and a car seat to take care of.

But watching Ryan hold Oliver up with one arm while he fixes his baseball cap and brushes Cheerios off his shirt makes his heart squeeze. Oliver has both of his hands on Ryan’s face keeping him right there in front of him like he’s trying to memorize his appearance.

Ryan kisses Olivers fingers and settles him against his hip before coming over to help pull the luggage out of the car.

Michael knows Ryan loves Oliver but sometimes he wonders if Ryan still loves him.

“I’ve given up a shit ton of stuff for swimming.” Ryan says leaning against the back of the car, “But I’m not gonna give him up.”

“You don’t want to give him up or you don’t wanna give us up?” Michael asks.

“Us.” Ryan sounds outraged, he reaches out for Michael’s arm “You, him, me. Us.”

“That’s good to hear.” Michael says sarcastically.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“It feels like.” Michael starts and stops, “I… I know you want him dude but it really feels like you don’t give a fuck about us.”

“You think I don’t care about us?” Ryan cries out, “After all the shit I went through to be with you. You think I don’t care?”

“It’s always all about him dude. You bring him to bed with us, you-“

“If you want to get laid more.” Ryan rolls his eyes, “Come to fucking Florida. Like I don’t fucking care about us. Don’t insult me bro.”

“I can’t come to Florida.”

“Yes you can.” Ryan cries out, “You change your ticket, you change his ticket and you get on a plane. He has a nursery there, you have a bed there. There’s internet and you have a phone so whatever the fuck you need to do in Baltimore you can do over in Gainesville.”

“My mom-“

“Your mom can fucking move in, I don’t care.” Ryan says without thinking and kind of regrets it.

“We had a deal.”

“I…” Ryan stops to think, “I will live in Baltimore for the rest of my fucking life.” He puts his hand over Oliver’s hand and brings both of them to his heart “Dude I swear. I just need you there with me, for now. I can’t do this without you guys… Both of you. Don’t make me walk away.”

“Have they built the kitchen yet?” Michael asks because the last time he’d been to the house half of it had still looked like a demolition site.

“The floor’s not in but all the appliances work and shit. He won’t starve.” Ryan smiles slightly, “It’s warm in Gainesville dude. No snow.”

Michael doesn’t answer and Ryan takes that as a good sign.

“I’ll bring up the ten thousand favours Devon owes me and get him to babysit and we’ll have game night.” He continues.

“Date night.”

“Game night.”

“We move back to Baltimore after Rio.” Michael says carefully, “Non negotiable.”

“Spit shake on it.” Ryan offers out his palm.

“Dude no that’s gross.” Michael pushes his hand away.

“You’ve sucked my dick how is a spit shake gross?”

“Devon’s not babysitting alone.” Michael ignores Ryan, “That’s my second condition.”

“Probably a good one.” Ryan agrees.

He’s smiling harder than he has all weekend and Michael finds himself smiling harder too. Ryan and him haven’t had back and forth like this in weeks. He wants to push him back against the car and kiss him hard. No… He wants to take Oliver out of Ryan’s arm and then push him back against the car and kiss him hard.

“We better go change those tickets.” Michael concedes, “You better hope there’s extra seats.”

“Jeah!” Ryan pumps Oliver’s little fists in the air, “Dude, you’re gonna love Florida man… There’s real gators and it’s warm all the time and your room is kick ass green. I got shoes for you.” He switches Oliver from side to side as he talks. “Your dad’s the best dad dude, he made the best decision.”

Michael watches them pulling the luggage onto carts, “Yeah, I’m awesome.” He agrees with Ryan’s babbles.

“Dude.” Ryan drops Oliver into the seat of the luggage cart and buckles him in. He moves the cart back and forth a few times, making sure it’s not about to roll off anywhere (God forbid they re-enact the Target parking lot getaway of three months ago). Then he pushes Michael against the car and kisses him hard.

“You.” He pulls away smiling. “Have no idea what’s waiting for you in Florida.”


End file.
